Why I Fight So Hard for Victims: The Story I’ve Never Shared
By Investigative Reporter Tammy Rose
Why I’m Sharing This Now
People often ask why I spend so much time filing public records requests, interviewing grieving families, and refusing to give up on cold cases.
The answer isn’t found in a newsroom.
It’s found in one of the most painful chapters of my own life.
Long before I became an investigative reporter, I became a victim.
For years, I kept this story private because of the shame, embarrassment, and fear that followed.
Today, I’m sharing it because I hope it helps others understand why I fight so hard for victims.
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I Didn’t Want to Report the Crime
The person who sexually assaulted me wasn’t a stranger.
He was someone my family knew and trusted.
After it happened, I didn’t want to report the crime.
I was embarrassed.
I was ashamed.
Like many victims, I blamed myself.
I wanted to pretend it had never happened.
It was my former husband who convinced me to go to law enforcement. He told me that if I didn’t report the crime, he would.
Looking back, I’m grateful he encouraged me to speak up.
At the time, it felt impossible.
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The Trial Changed My Family Forever
Going through the criminal justice system was one of the hardest experiences of my life.
During the trial, I learned the defendant had previously been convicted in another sexual assault case involving a child under the age of 14 and had served a much shorter sentence.
That realization was heartbreaking.
The case also divided my family.
One of the most painful moments was watching my own sister testify for the defense.
My father blamed me for what had happened.
Losing the support of people I loved was devastating.
The verdict ended the criminal case.
It did not end the pain.
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The Papers I Never Threw Away
Recently, I opened a folder I hadn’t looked at in years.
Inside were Wisconsin court records, sentencing documents, and a Wisconsin Department of Corrections victim notification letter informing me the offender would one day be released from prison.
Holding those papers again reminded me that victims often carry a case long after the courtroom is empty.
The documents aren’t just legal records.
For me, they represent years of healing.
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Years Later, I Had to Defend My Truth Again
Years after my criminal case ended, I was covering the Jodi Arias sentencing retrial as a reporter.
During my reporting, I uncovered information that led me to file a complaint with the State Bar of Arizona regarding prosecutor Juan Martinez.
As part of that disciplinary process, I was deposed.
During that process, records from my own criminal case became part of the deposition and were made public. As a victim, it was devastating to see deeply personal parts of my past become public record years after I believed I had finally moved forward.
I never imagined my own past would become part of those proceedings.
During the deposition, my background was examined, including the sexual assault case from years earlier. My credibility was challenged, and I felt as though I was once again defending one of the most painful experiences of my life.
For years, I had been afraid to speak up.
Then something changed.
I remember saying, “The judge and jury believed me. If you disagree with that, take it up with them.”
It was the first time in a long time that I truly stood up for myself.
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Why I Fight So Hard for Victims
Every records request I file…
Each family I interview…
No cold case is just another story.
Every difficult question I ask…
Is driven by one purpose: finding the truth.
I know what it feels like to wonder if anyone will believe you.
I’ve experienced losing relationships because I told the truth.
Years later, my credibility was questioned over events from my past.
Those experiences shaped the reporter I am today.
Victims deserve compassion.
Families deserve answers.
The truth deserves to be pursued—even when it’s uncomfortable.
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To Every Victim Reading This
Maybe you’ve been afraid to report a crime.
Perhaps someone blamed you for something that wasn’t your fault.
Or maybe you’ve wondered whether anyone would believe you.
You are not alone.
Sharing this story isn’t about reliving the past.
It’s about explaining why I continue fighting for victims every single day.
I can’t change what happened to me.
But I can make sure my experiences help someone else find the courage to speak.
As long as I have a voice, I’ll keep fighting for those still searching for justice.
That’s why I fight so hard for victims.
Continue Reading
If you’d like to learn more about trauma, healing, and the importance of seeking justice for victims, you may also find these resources helpful.
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Recommended Reading
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker
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Rebecca Beard: No Body. No Weapon. My investigation into the 1986 disappearance and the unanswered questions that remain.
Roy Alan Stuart Prison Journals: Former Harris County Deputy Kent McGowen shares chilling prison confessions that could help solve cold cases.
Tammy. Thank you for being honest and opening up. Our talks go through my mind daily. Should I? Would anyone believe me? Especially the one we discussed with “that man”. I’m afraid I’d be blown off just like Becky’s case is. My childhood was riddled with SA. Mine was at 5. I guess back then, you just didn’t mention anything. I remember my aunt drinking and mom said “shhhh well, she needs a drink to relax”. Years later I know now she was a raging alcoholic. My own brother being the abuser was excused because “well he’s got learning difficulties and he was born addicted to drugs”…. We are both adopted. Different parents. Later to only hear my mom admit she knew things were going on. My cousin would SA me and my mom would just send me right back over there crying…. Because “they do so many fun things with you”. I was at the doctor all the time because of kidney infections… because of things that were used during my SA. My mom never flinched.
Your reasons of becoming a reporter are the same reason I became a LCDC.
For years I blocked that part of my life out. At the age of 34 I was told I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. That was Black Friday. If i didn’t have it done by Christmas there was a chance I wouldn’t make it. I suffered severe endometriosis, cyst, removed cancer, and crazy cycles. I was treated prior to my surgery with pain medication. Of course this was before the “warning” of addiction to them. But to me…. They were amazing! Best feeling I had. Took away all my memories, pain, and worries. Once my surgery was over…. So was my prescriptions for pills. The doctor went back and forth for about 3 years before the final decision of a hysterectomy. 3 years of taking pills too. I had become addicted. Once the pills were not available, I looked elsewhere. I grew up in a pretty privileged family. Regardless of things that happened in my childhood. My family didn’t have any worries when it came to having what they wanted.
Therefore…. Finding pills took me to the streets. I wouldn’t walk out of the door prior to this without full make up, clothes, jewelry…. “Dressed to the nines” as they say. Slowly… I became familiar with other stronger drugs. I wouldn’t even change out of my pajamas for days. One day I woke up and my worst fear happened. My memories returned. My abuse haunted me daily!!! I dug myself in such a hole. I will leave out details of what my family went through. I’m sure you can imagine.
In 2019 I was forced into drug court. I had been in trouble. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAD I EVEN HAD A TICKET!! I was the oldest person in there. People were my children’s age. I was 45 years old!!!! I made a promise that day to my dad(who passed way during my addiction) that I would stop. I just needed guidance and encouragement.
I decided I wanted to help those who lived like I did. I went to college at 46 to become an LCDC. My goal in life wasn’t to save everyone…. But one would be worth it!!! I’ve been clean since February 13, 2019. To some… that’s not much clean time. To me…. It’s given me a whole new life I’ve never dreamed of. My husband is my rock. He’s been with me 31 years. My children are honorable and forgiving of my wrong doings. I have 3 grandchildren that never have to see their Gigi high.
I’ve lost family members. My mother doesn’t speak to me. While in counseling, I was told to come to my past truth. I told my mom of my SA and she didn’t believe my cousin would have done that. She had no contact with me since 2021. That’s really hurtful. Really.
But I’ve come to realize one thing…. My favorite quote in recovery “recovery didn’t open the gates of heaven and let me in. It opened the gates of hell and let me out”!
Today…. I’ve never reported my cousin. My conversations have slowly given me hope to come forward. Maybe I’m waiting for my mom to pass before doing that. They live next door to each other.
But…. I’ve always encouraged people to come forward…. Many addicts lived a life of abuse!!! Addiction is a disease. My education wasn’t just for me, but for others to understand.
Thanks for reading! Thank you Tammy for our discussions….. my day may be soon🤍
Christi, thank you for trusting me with your story. I know writing that couldn’t have been easy. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve endured, but I’m also inspired by the strength it took to rebuild your life and dedicate yourself to helping others. Congratulations on your recovery and on becoming an LCDC—I’m sure you’ve made a difference in many lives. Thank you for reading my story, for your honesty, and for your encouragement. Wishing you continued healing and peace.
Tammy, may God bless you and guide you as you continue to fight for those who are victims. Some are able to fight for themselves and others simply don’t have the strength and need someone to be their voice. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Darlene, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. Sharing this wasn’t easy, but knowing it resonated with you means more than I can say. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for your support.